If I asked you to honestly tell me your relationship status, what would you say? Would you say that you were 1.) Single, 2.) Dating, 3.) In a relationship, 4.) Married or…….if you honestly thought about it, would say you were unsure of your relationship status?

As a relationship consultant, I meet tons of individuals who have relationship struggles. One of the common reasons for why these individuals seek my advice is because they do not have any security in their relationships and they are typically left without official titles. A relationship without an official title is like an open ended question. The answers to open ended questions are usually left to the interpretation of each individual and when things are left to be interpreted, the end result is typically conflict and confusion. This is why one person may say they are in a relationship and the other person may say they are not.

Why settle for being a question mark when you can be a period? Or why settle for being an open ended question when you can be a defined statement? If you give your time, energy, emotions, tears, body, soul, concern, care, affection and other sentimental aspects of yourself to a person, the least they could give you is a title.

The question I pose to you today is, when is it enough? When do you take a stand against a person who has kept you around for months, or even years, while utilizing all of your most precious assets (mental, spiritual, emotional and physical)? After reading this article, I encourage you to reevaluate your worth and determine what you really deserve out of a relationship. If you do not discover what you deserve, I will tell you…you deserve the best!

Follow Dr. Guyton on Twitter: @coreyguyton

Has your boyfriend or girlfriend ever asked you about the number of past sexual partners you had and after telling them, they became very upset and started acting differently towards you?  If so, you are not in a unique situation because many of us have been there as either the person getting upset or the person sharing the information.  There a few thoughts I would like to share pertaining to this topic.

1. If you are already a couple, asking about the number of sexual partners is not necessary.

When people tell me they are going to have a discussion with their significant other about the number of past sexual partners, I always ask, “how will that benefit your relationship”? The truth is that over 90% of the time, knowing a mate’s past sexual history will not help to enhance a relationship; instead learning this information could create negative feelings and harm the relationship. There is no value to knowing this number so I suggest leaving the past in the past. When already in a relationship, monogamy is the factor that is most important.

2. Knowing about STDs is a lot more important than knowing about the number of sexual partners.

People rarely ask about STDs prior to having sex with a person, but they are quick to ask about sexual history. In my opinion, the number of sexual partners is not nearly as important as to whether a person has been tested and is free of STDs. A person can have only one sexual partner and have an STD; whereas someone could have ten past sexual partners and have no STDs.

3. Everyone has a history.

Sometimes we hold people accountable for the mistakes they made when they were younger and less mature. Life is about growth and development, so judge a person based on their growth and maturity and not on their past immature decisions. There are so many young women and men who would make wonderful significant others but people pass them up because they want someone without any blemishes. A word of wisdom: “No one is perfect and everyone has baggage. Although you may find a person without any sexual baggage, it does not mean they do not carry baggage in other areas”.

4. Do not be a hypocrite.

I have met so many people who became enraged with their significant other after learning their sexual history. The irony is that the person who became upset had a more extensive sexual history than the person who made them upset.  Sometimes you have to set your ego to the side and realize that no one is perfect and that everyone makes mistakes. You have to also be honest with yourself and realize that you are no more perfect than the next person.

What is your opinion about this topic? Leave your response in the comments box!

4. Find Out their Reasons for Dating

Most people will tell you up front what they are looking for in terms of dating. If we consolidated the reasons people choose to date, it boils down to three main things.

1. They are looking for a serious relationship
2. They are not sure what they want, but they would like to see where the relationship will go.
3. They are not really looking for a relationship; they just want someone to chill with.

When you are serious about being in a committed relationship, you do not have time to waste on options 2 and 3. Similar to the clause that people add to their eBay postings, you need to include a clause in your standards that says “serious inquiries only”.  By no means and I saying force someone to say they want to be in a relationship with you when you first meet, but at least knowing their reasons for dating up front will help you decide if you want to open the door for the opportunity of possibly dating them. If a “serious relationship” is not on their radar, then they do not meet your minimum requirements and you need to wait for someone who is ready. You do not want to fall in love with someone who is unsure about what they want in terms of dating and when they finally figure it out, they choose to remain single and you are left hurt.

Click Here to Go to the Beginning of the Article

Follow Dr. Corey Guyton on Twitter @coreyguyton.

Some people lose faith in dating because most of the people they encounter want their time, energy, emotions, body, and heart, but do not want a commitment. This leads to people being in untitled, uncommitted, and confusing quasi-relationships with the final destination being “wasted-time”.  I have been asked by several individuals to give my opinion on ways to screen dating potentials so that they will not end up in “wasted-time” relationships again. I have presented four tips on screening potential mates.

Before reading my four tips, it is important to note that this article is for people who desire to be in committed relationships.

1. Ask Questions

I have seen so many people fall in love with someone because they had spent so much time together, but they later learned things about that person that caused them to regret their decision to fall in love. This happens quite a bit because a lot of people do not utilize the power of questions. How will you ever get to know someone if you do not ask them questions? I have learned that people are afraid to ask questions because they do not want to be perceived as overbearing or intrusive. It is my belief that detailed questions should be asked early on because a person deserves to have all of the important details about someone before opening their heart to them.

Questions should be asked about important topics such as:

• Spirituality/Equally Yoked
• Desire to be Married
• Children (Do they want children or do they have children)
• Ambition/Life Goals

These topics are very important because they set the foundation for a successful relationship. If both peoples’ beliefs about these topics do not align, there is a good chance that the relationship will not work. In order for a relationship to sustain over long periods of time, both people must be equally yoked, not only spirituality, but in multiple aspects of life.

I highly encourage you to utilize the power of questions, because people will not always volunteer answers. The rule of thumbs is, if you want to know something, ask questions.

Click here for Tip #2 – Check their Dating History

2. Check their Dating History

If you have access to a person’s dating history, this is a big plus. There is an old saying that states, “the past is a great indicator of the future”. This is true in terms of dating, where a person’s dating history is a good indicator of their future dating tendencies.  If a person has consistently moved from person to person without any commitment, then this could be a sign that this person is less likely to commit. If a person has a history of being in committed relationships, then this could be an indication that this person is more likely to commit. There are some instances where people can change from their old dating habits, but I have seen very few people who can change overnight.

While also looking at dating history, you will want to look at the way a person treated their exs, the nature of their break-ups (cheating, abuse, etc), and any other information that could help you make an educated decision about moving forward with that person. To some people this may sound a little overboard, but I do not feel that you can go overboard whenever you are planning to put your heart on the line.

Click here for Tip #3 - Watch for Consistency

3. Watch for Consistency

The Women Speak:

Tess Guyton - Start talkin bout sex and u just meeting them.

Lorena Lockhart - ‎2nd to not having a relationship with God. Can’t talk on mutli–levels about different topics from a to z. When their conversation is only on one track.

‏@MzTaSheena - LIE!

Sarah Whitfield - Callin me shawty and that ain’t my damn name.

LaTorria Samuel Austin - Send his boys over to talk for him.

Gertrude Jackson - What’s up lil mama? Hey shorty what’s yo name? Hey baby girl let me holla atcha.. Mind u I’m almost 40 so any man addressing me should’ve out grown that hood talk and know how to talk to a lady. B/c I will shut u down quick.

The Men Speak:

Charlie Scott - Dirty bathroom. That ish is ratchet.

D’Angelo Taylor - Smoke.

@BROTHEREVANS - Ask for money in one week of dating.

Outkast Roberts - I dont like when women assume that when you say “Im busy with work, school, etc”, that you have 20 women in rotation.

KJ Wallace - Bad attitude is first, with smoking coming a real close second.

Nigel A. Traylor - Smoking and excessive use of profanity.

Shaun Anderson - Dissing you when it seems you have nothing, but is all over you when it seems you have it all .

Marcus Newsome - Smoking and no chemistry.

There is an old saying about life that states, “you can’t have one’s cake and eat it to”. In layman’s terms this statement means you cannot have the best of both worlds or you cannot have what you do not deserve. Over the years, I have encountered a number of people who set extremely high expectations for their potential mates. Although I believe in setting high standards and not settling for less, many of these standards set by people are standards they cannot reach themselves. This is called being a hypocrite!

A few common hypocritical expectations people set:

1. Demanding that their potential mate have a low number of sexual partners, but their sexual history is pretty extensive.
2. Demanding that a potential mate have money and a job, but they are broke and unemployed.
3. Requiring that a potential mate be physically fit, but they are out of shape.
4. Requiring good credit, but having bad credit themselves.
5. Wanting a commitment from someone, but does not want to give a commitment back.
6. Having kids, but wanting someone without kids.

This list could go on and on, but the point is that there are some people who set expectations that they cannot fulfill themselves.

I believe that everyone deserves the best in a companion, but in order to get the best, you need to be the best. I challenge you to look at your life’s situation and figure out what you bring to the table. If you realize you have a few areas of improvement, take the time to focus on improving these things so when you come to the table, you have more to offer.

I am not immune to this idea. When I was single, I had really high standards and required a lot out of the women I was pursuing. The problem was that I did not have all of my stuff together and I was called out for being hypocritical. Once I went through my spiritual transformation and focused on bettering myself as a person, I realized I could have higher expectations and this led to me meeting a woman who met my standards and I met her standards (now she’s my wife). In conclusion, having high standards is not a bad thing, but make sure that you can also meet those standards. Don’t be a hypocrite!

Follow Dr. Corey Guyton on Twitter @coreyguyton.

In 2008, there were a ton of women riding around bopping their heads to the infamous Jazmine Sullivan’s song, “Bust Your Windows”. The song was about a woman who had been hurt by a man and her way of coping with the heartbreak was to bust the windows out of his car. Although this song created many laughs and a lot of women joked about how they would do the same, the reality is that there are a lot of wounded sistas who would actually follow through on their promise of busting the windows out of a guy’s car.

In the context of this article, busting the windows out of a car is representative of a bigger issue in that some women try to seek revenge for their emotional hurt by inflicting physical damage to a man. This physical damage ranges from damaging a guy’s car to inflicting bodily harm. The problem is that emotional damage (which the women experience) and physical damage (which the men would experience) have dramatically different long term effects.

I understand that some sistas feel the need to respond in a violent manner because they want the guys to feel the same pain they are experiencing but unfortunately, the only way for a guy to experience the same types of pain is if they experience emotional pain. For these reasons, I highly recommend that sistas do not seek their reparations through physical harm or damage. Beyond the temporary satisfaction that a sista may receive from damaging a guys’ property or physically hurting him, there are legal risks associated. Think about this. If charges are pressed and a woman is convicted for creating damage, would she have really accomplished what she set out to do? Also, if a woman follows through and commit these crimes, more than likely she will get labeled as being “crazy”, even if she was invoked and pushed over the edge.

Sistas, there is a different solution for dealing with a man who breaks your heart and the process has nothing to do with him. In my opinion, the only way to tap into a man’s emotions and make him experience hurt similar to yours is by rediscovering your value and breaking free of him. Once you get to this point, you will not have to worry about acting out on him because you will realize that he is not the guy for you causing you to distance yourself from him. A combination of your lack of response to his wrongdoings and you distancing yourself from him will be enough to make him start feeling a certain way. The goal for a lot of guys is to keep you around mentally and emotionally so once they lose the access to your mind and emotions, they start to hurt inside and they begin to experience pain similar to yours.

Follow Dr. Guyton on Twitter @coreyguyton.